Aftermath
by fandm-writer
Summary: Sam and Dean deal with the aftermath of 'The Raid.'
1. Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.**

 **Description:** A conversation I would've liked to have seen between the boys.

 **Hello, okay so this is just basically a small fix-it fic set right after the most recent episode 'The Raid.' I gotta say so far I'm loving S12, but i have a few issues with it, so this is just basically all my thoughts put into dialogue. Fair warning, this story is going to be very Dean** **centric, and not a very friendly place for Mary Winchester.**

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Dean stared at the open road in front of him, the last slivers of sunlight disappearing and fading into clear night sky. He gunned the Impala, continuing to put distance between them and the Men of Letters headquarters. Between them and Mary.

"So you're telling me you ganked to the Alpha vamp."

"Yeah." Sam nodded, from the passenger seat.

"Wait, how..."

"The Colt." Sam replied, an edge to his voice.

"The Colt?" Dean shot him a look of confusion, before turning his eyes back to the road..

"The Men of Letters had it." Sam informed. "They got because, apparently Mom stole it..."

"From Yellow eyes 2.0." Dean finished the sentence as it all clicked into place.

"Yeah." Sam said quietly, starring down at the floorboard of the Impala

Dean heaved a heavy sigh.

"I know, man, I know." Sam's voice was nearly a whisper.

Silence lingered between them for a few moments.

"I'm sorry." Dean spoke up. Sam knew what he meant.

"It's fine, it's not your fault. I just...I wanted to believe so badly that we could trust her." Sam answered, looking out the window.

"And I'm sorry too. I mean I know this hasn't been easy for either of us, but...I just didn't stop to consider how hard this has been for you." Sam added, glancing at Dean.

"I never knew her, so it's easier for me to see her for who she is now," Sam continued. "But you did, you remember her as our mom, the one who took care of us and tucked us in, and dressed you in 'I Wuv Hugs* tee shirts."

Dean cracked a small smile, and shook his head at the embarrassing memory.

"The point is, clearly she's different then you remember her, and I just didn't realize how hard that must be for you." Sam finished.

Dean was didn't speak for a moment, simply keeping his eyes on the road and making small corrections with the steering wheel.

"It's fine. She's right, we're not kids anymore." He stated.

"That shouldn't matter. That's still not an excuse to lie to us and shut us out." Sam countered.

Dean didn't reply. They both remained quiet for several minutes as Dean took a turn and began to head in the direction of the Bunker. The occasional set of headlights would come into view only to pass by, and fade into the dark oblivion behind them.

"Wait, so where's the Colt now?" The elder Winchester inquired.

"That's the other thing, It's still with them. I couldn't exactly take it because they kind of think I'm on their side now." Sam explained.

"I figured if they think they can trust me, maybe it'll be easier to keep tabs on them." He added.

"Ha, that's my Sammy." Dean grinned.

Sam rolled his eyes.

"Well, I didn't go to...Stanford for nothing." He said, getting quieter at the end

Upon remembering Mary's words, Sam regretted letting it slip a mist their banter.

"What's wrong?" Dean furrowed his brow, immediately sensing the shift in his tone.

"Nothing, it's just something Mom...Mary said when she was trying to recruit me." He replied. "Well, she said she wasn't trying to recruit me, but it felt an awful lot like she was." He spoke, picking at the hem of his jacket.

"Anyway, she...she said she was trying help them eradicate all the monsters so I could go back to school and we could have normal lives." Sam continued.

At first Dean stifled a laugh, then after a moment his features shifted.

"Wait, is that what you want? I mean do you want to go back?" Dean asked, more sincerity in his tone time.

"Maybe when I was 20, but not now. So much has changed, I've changed." He spoke. "It's like you said, saving people, hunting things. It's what we do."

"Do you really think they can wipe them all out?" Dean questioned after a moment, once again he was genuine.

Now it was Sam's turn to laugh.

"Dude, they couldn't even defend their home base when the vamps took the offense. They may have a a handle on things in England, but this isn't England. Eradicating them all is a nice thought in theory, but those can't always be applied practically." Sam replied with a small chuckle.

"Besides, despite all their resources and knowledge, they really don't know what they're doing. Tonight, there was whole room full of them, and none of then have ever actually hunted anything."

"Oh that's just friggin awesome." Dean muttered.

"I don't trust them." Sam simply stated.

"I don't either. I can't, not after what they did to you." Dean replied.

"By the way, what was the deal with Ketch?" Sam inquired.

"He showed up at the Bunker." Dean answered.

"Great." Sam pinched the bridge of his nose. "Too bad there's no way to ward against assholes."

Dean let out a laugh, and after the week he had had, it felt nice.

"Anyway, he said they had a location on the bloodsuckers, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to tag along and check it out. See if they actually knew what they were doing." Dean explained.

"He try and recruit you too?"

"Basically." Dean tensed without even realizing.

"What'd he say?" Sam questioned curiously, as if though he had noticed something was off.

 _You're a killer, Dean Winchester. And so am I._ Ketch's voice echoed through his mind.

"You know, same ole spiel." Dean tried to sound nonchalant.

"You sure?" Sam seemed unconvinced.

"Yeah." Dean answered, keeping his eyes fixed on the road.

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 **So this chapter is very short, the next one with probably be longer, and it will be dealing with what Ketch said to Dean. Also we'll be hearing from Jody Mills is that chapter.**


	2. Not A Killer, But A Hero

**Disclaimer: I Don't own them.**

 **Description:** Dean gets a call from Jody.

 **Hi, all! So sorry, I meant to post sooner. Anyway, so this will probably be the last chapter, but it deal with some important stuff. The main thing, Ketch calling Dean a killer. That honestly really bothered me and that was my whole motivation for writing this. I really fell like someone needs to talk to Dean about it, so thus this chapter was born.**

 **I apologize for any grammar errors.**

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Dean awoke with a start, staring up at the ceiling of his room. He drew in a shaky breath, before sitting up and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. He rested his elbows on his knees, running a hand though his hair.

He still had nightmares, and it was usually a nightly occurrence.

Sometimes he dreams about Sam dying again. These days he dreams about the fire a lot. The heat, feeling as of though it's trying to consume him on all sides as he desperately clings to Sammy. Then he finally makes it out, he stands barefoot on the cold dewy grass. All he can do is stare, and watch as his mother and the remnants of his old life burn.

Sometimes he still dreams about Hell, which isn't shocking really. The dreams are not as bad as they used to be though. They're fuzzier now, they're not as detailed and sharp as they used to be. Dean thinks he remembers reading somewhere that after a while the brain gradually represses trauma. He's thankful for that.

Other days he dreams of all those he killed while he had the Mark, he dreams about chasing Sam through the bunker with a hammer. Except when he swings it at him, he doesn't miss. He sees blood, so much blood. Then he feels pure terror course through him as he realizes what he's done. Then there are nights like tonight where it's all jumbled together. Blood and gore, and death and pain. Where everybody he loves is dying, and it's all his fault. Where there's blood on his hands that he can't clean off. One nightmare transitioning into into the next, and Dean knows he has no hope of getting back to sleep.

He sat there for a moment before getting up and grabbing his phone from his night stand. He checked the time, making face at the ungodly hour he finds himself up at. Dean opened his door and padded down the hall, the hard floor cold against his bare feet. He stopped and soundlessly cracked Sam's door open, peeking in to check on him. To Dean's relief he was sleeping peacefully.

Afterwards Dean wondered into kitchen. He took a beer out of the fridge, in hopes it would take the edge off the residual panic he felt. He slid into a sitting position on the floor in his usual spot behind the counter, and cracked the bottle open. He took a swig, letting the cool liquid slide down his throat. The word 'killer' continued to bounce around in his head, and he knew he should be used to it by now because it's true. It's a fact of life, and needs to deal with that. The nightmares don't make it any easier though.

Slowly he inhaled and leaned his head back, the events of the past few weeks playing through his mind. He's knows he's just confused and kinda hurt right now. A part of him regrets what he said to Mary. He tells himself she's right, she's not just their mother. They're grown up, she no longer has any obligations to take care of them, or even really stick around for that matter.

It's not her responsibility anymore.

A small part of Dean's mind screams at him that that's not true, that he's slipping back into the same mentality he had with John. He decided to ignore that part and take another sip of the alcoholic drink.

He feels selfish for it, but it's moments like these where he misses Bobby, more so than usual. The reappearance of the Colt only makes it worse.. Dean can't help but think Bobby

would know what to do. He'd call them idjits and pretend to be grouchy about it, but in the end he would know exactly what to say to make things better. He'd know what to do about the Men Of Letters and Mary.

Dean sits in silence for several more minutes, alone with his thoughts. He attempts to ignore them as they drift back to what Ketch and even Rowena said. He nearly jumps as his phone rings, realizing for the first time that he had carried it in there with him.

It's Jody. He quickly answered, hoping it didn't wake Sam.

"Hey, Jody. What's up?" Dean greeted quietly.

"Hey, Dean." She replied.

"Listen, I'm sorry to call so late but we've had some really odd disappearances this past week. No bodies have turned up yet, but they've all gone missing under some pretty weird circumstances." She explained.

"I was wondering if you're not too busy, maybe you and Sam could come and check it out?" She asked hopefully.

"We'll be there as soon as we can." Dean assured.

"Thanks, Dean."

"Don't mention it." He answered quietly.

"Hey, are you okay? I know how this sounds, seeing as it's 4:00 AM, but you sound...different." She stated, concern in her tone

"Yeah, it's just been a long week." He informed.

"Wanna tell me about it?" She offered.

"Nah, sounds like you got your own problems to deal with." He answered.

"I do, and I told you about mine. Now it's your turn, mister." She spoke wryly.

Dean was quiet for a beat, not wanting to dump his crap on Jody, but knowing she probably wasn't gonna take no for an answer.

"It's the British Men Of Letters." He finally spoke. "Turns out m...Mary has been working with them behind our backs. That's why she kept ditching us."

Jody didn't speak, waiting for him to go on as if though she sensed there was more.

"And that's not the only thing, she stole the Colt from the Yellow Eyed demon that almost killed us and Cas a few weeks back. Turns out that was the whole reason for the hunt, the Men of Letters wanted it." Dean finished.

"Oh Dean...I'm so sorry."

"It's alright. I mean yeah, it makes it kinda hard to trust her. But I guess, she's allowed to make her own decisions. Even if we don't agree with them." Dean answered, trying to convince himself more so than anybody.

"Maybe that's true, but that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to feel hurt because she broke your trust." Jody stated, a certain note of understanding in her tone.

Dean sat in stunned silence as Jody's words sunk in. And it occurred to him that this was one of the few times in this whole mess that it had been suggested that maybe he didn't have to be sorry for being upset.

"Thanks, Jody." He said sincerely, her words meaning more than she would ever know.

"Don't mention it." He could almost hear her smile through the phone.

"But why do I get the feeling there's something else you're not telling me." She added.

"What? No, it's nothing."

"Dean, I'm a cop and mother, I'm good at reading people. And besides, I know you, I can tell when you're lying. Your voice sounds different when you do." She told him..

"It's nothing, really." Dean tried to convince her.

"Come on, I'm here, talk to me. Am I gonna have to use the voice?" She replied.

"Young man..." She started.

"Alright, alright," Dean blurted. "It's just...something one of those asshole Brits said." He mumbled.

"What'd he say? And if you say 'nothing' one more time I'll just call Sam and have him tell me." Jody spoke, only half teasingly.

"Sam doesn't know." Dean admitted.

"It's just, one of them showed up at the Bunker. I don't know, I guess he was trying to recruit me or something. But he said that the Men of Letters was a good fit for me because I'm a killer, like him." Dean explained quietly, not really trusting his voice.

"It's stupid, I know. I shouldn't let it bother me, I mean he was right. I know what I've done and..." Dean started, but was abruptly cut off.

"No. Don't you dare give me that. Dean, you're a good man." She interrupted.

"Come on, you're kidding yourself. I done things Jody, I've killed people, or worse." He argued.

"Maybe I don't everything you've done in the past, but I know enough. I know that you and Sam both have been through more literal and metaphorical hell then most people could imagine. But despite all that you are still here, fighting the good fight. You save people." Jody shot back.

"And yes, maybe you've killed people, hell, I'm a Sherif, I've killed people. Sometimes in life we're put into those situations. But just because you've killed someone, does not make you a killer." She continued.

"Jody..." Dean began, but was once again cut off.

"No, you've sacrificed so much. You've saved so many people, you've saved the world. You're a hero, Dean." She spoke with finality.

For the second time in a matter of minutes, Dean once again found himself floored by her words.

"Now I have to go, I'm getting another call. But this conversation isn't over, I'll see you tomorrow." She added.

"I'll...I'll so you tomorrow." Was all Dean could get out as his brain desperately tried to process what he had just heard.

The line went quiet, then beeped, signaling she had hung up. Silence filled the room for a few seconds.

"She's right, you know." Sam's voice sounded from the kitchen doorway.

Dean was startled, nearly dropping the phone. He mentally kicked himself for suddenly feeling like a kid who had gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"How long have you been standing there." Dean questioned.

"Long enough." Sam stated, stepping further inside the kitchen.

"Creep." Dean insulted, trying to change the subject more than anything.

"Jerk." Sam said.

"Bitch." Dean answered out of habit.

Sam walked over and took a seat on the floor next to Dean.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, not letting Dean off easy.

"Come on, I'm not gonna come whining to you just because some James Bond wannabe hurt my feelings." Dean remarked, brushing it off.

Sam shot him a look that translated into something akin to 'cut the crap.'

"You're not a killer, you're a hunter. There's a difference."

"Sam." He said, almost as a warning.

"No, alright. Don't listen to him, he was just trying to manipulate you." The younger Winchester stated.

"Maybe he was, but it's not like he's the only one who see's it." Dean let the words slip, immediately regretting it.

Sam was quiet for a moment. "Who else?"

Dean didn't answer immediately.

"Rowena. She said it when I was forgetting everything. She thinks I don't remember." Dean confessed, his voice barely audible.

" _Rowena._ Really, your taking morality advice from _Rowena._ The mother of the King of Hell." Sam looked at Dean is disbelief.

"That's not the point, Sam. The point is they're right. The things I did..." Dean trailed off.

Sam quickly picked up on what Dean was referencing.

"We've been over this, that wasn't you, that was the _Mark_. The Mark the contained the _Darkness_." Sam countered firmly.

"Yeah, but what if it wasn't? What if deep down that was all me, and in the end that's all I am." Dean argued.

"Alright that's it." Sam blurted, shifting to better face Dean.

"I have spent years watching you sacrifice yourself, watching you put yourself on the line. For me, for family, and everybody else in between. I've spent almost every day with you, my entire life. You're by brother and I know you better than anybody." Sam started, conviction in his words.

"I don't care what anybody else says. Because I know you, and I know that you're not a killer. You're a hero, and no matter what you will always be my hero. And it doesn't matter what anybody thinks, because I know the truth." Sam finished, putting a firm grip on Dean's shoulder.

For a moment all Dean could do was stare, as slight tears began to pool in his eyes.

"Alright?" Sam added.

"Alright." Dean whispered in understanding, looking away to clear his eyes.

Sam relaxed and shifted to a comfortable sitting position next to Dean. They where quiet for a few minutes, an almost comfortable silence hung in the air.

"So why did Jody call?" Sam spoke up after a while.

"Uh...she thinks she might have a case for us." Dean answered.

"Okay." Sam nodded, before standing up.

"I'm gonna start packing." He informed, as he began to walk towards the door.

"Hey, Sammy," Dean called after him.

"Yeah." He turned back.

"Thank you." Dean spoke genuinely .

"It's the truth." Sam shrugged.

A smile ghosted across Dean's face as Sam headed for the door.

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 **Okay so hopefully you guys liked this chapter.**

 **I kinda wanna explain my reasoning for Jody being brought in in this chapter. I feel not only does Dean need to hear that he's not a killer from Sam, (but since it feels like its basically being hammered into his head this season) I think he also need to hear it from someone else too. There are several reason I chose Jody.**

 **One, because she's already been relevant this season, two, she already said she thinks Sam and Dean are good men. Three, she honestly acts more like their mother than Mary (I feel like that was a contest the writers were trying to show us.) And finally, she's a good balance between being motherly, and being a hunter., so therefore shes going to understand Dean's struggle.**

 **Anyway, I really hope this all made sense. Thanks for sticking with me guys. Please review.**


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